Merry Christmas, Baby

I have mixed emotions today. I am excited for the holidays to begin and today is Winter Solstice. Tonight we will visit a really old and beautiful church to hear a Jazz Winter Solstice concert. A woman just introduced me to Merry Christmas, Baby by Charles Brown. On the other hand I got word that my dear cousin Lisa is dying of brain cancer. I just hugged her a few weeks ago at her mother’s funeral. She had been taking care of her mother for quite a while and was very drained by it. Then a few days after the funeral, she started acting confused and in a matter of weeks she is diagnosed and told that it has spread to the lymph nodes. Last night I was trying to digest all of this information. I was told she was in the hospital and so I planned to order some flowers to be delivered this morning but before I could make the call to the flower shop my mom texted me and said she is going home and she only has 2 weeks to live. Lisa has such a kind heart and always thinks of others. Whenever I would post pics of my dog on facebook she was always commenting and saying such sweet things to me. There is kind of a big age difference between us so we haven’t spent a lot of time together but through all of my encounters with her it has always been clear to me that she has a caring heart and has a lot of compassion. I don’t think I’m going to be able to say goodbye to her and tell her how much I love her. The brain cancer has made her very confused and she isn’t recognizing any of her loved ones now.

Happy Friday

It seems like I have been writing about mishaps on the bus lately so I wanted to write about our bus ride today because it is an example of a great bus day. I take two different buses in the morning to get to work. I had both of my favorite bus drivers today and both buses were on time. Hardly anyone was on the bus and nobody talked to me. I leaned back against the seat and Racer gently rested his head on my foot. It was tranquil and warm. I love mornings like this on public transit. It is Friday and I’m always in a good mood on Friday. A co-worker and I went to lunch and she pointed out that a man was walking across the street holding a phone up to his ear along with a cigar and a beer—all in one hand!

 

“It's 4:58 on Friday afternoon. Do you know where your margarita is?” ~ Amy Neftzger

   

Yeah Whatever

I’m still so in love with my Racer boy. He brings me so much joy. He is my mini oxytocin factory. Sometimes our adventures on the bus are daunting but I tell myself that it is better to deal with all the action that comes with using public transit than to sit home and shrivel up on the couch. Sure it is 20 degrees outside but we get to run down the street together, yes my guide dog decided it is more fun to run ever since winter showed up.  I feel invigorated and there is that rush of relief and excitement when we arrive at work and we both know that once again we did it as a team. Whew!

This morning we boarded the bus and it was mostly empty. The bus driver that I really like greeted us and said the seat at the front was available. I got Racer tucked in under me and a few stops later a woman got on and instead of walking further to the back of the bus she sat right by me. She started talking to my dog and asked if she could pet him. I said he was working and started to explain that if I let everyone pet him he will start to seek out attention from others and that would affect his concentration with guiding me. The bus driver then chimed in and said to the woman that she should leave the seats at the front of the bus for persons with disabilities. She complied and moved away. I was so thankful to the bus driver for having my back. He has witnessed over the past few months over and over again people trying to interact with my dog. It really gets old explaining the rules every morning to a new person. I’m not a social person and especially in the morning, I’m just not in the mood. People are just curious and excited to see a nice looking dog and I know they mean well. I don’t mind  if someone makes a comment to me about my dog or asks me questions but my dog isn’t just a play thing that I take around to show off. I’m totally blind and trying to navigate through the city and I usually have butterflies in my stomach until I get to work safely.

Yesterday we had a different bus driver so I told him which stop I needed and took a seat. The bus was pretty crowded and a group of guys got on and sat across from me. One of the men started petting Racer without asking and I could tell because he was petting so vigorously that Racer’s head was bouncing all over. I told the man to please not pet him and he actually continued doing it so I reached down and placed my hand on top of his hand and said a second time to please not pet him; he is working. The man’s response was, “Yeah, whatever.”

 

“I walked to work. I paced up and down the bus looking for a seat. Next time I walk to work I’m getting on my treadmill.”
― Jarod Kintz

Racer, the Bus, and Martial Arts

We had a nice time on our road trip to St George for Thanksgiving. It is so cold though in SLC. I don’t like it. It was 20 degrees out and this morning our first bus was 18 minutes late!!! Standing there not able to make any forward progress for 18 minutes is so annoying!!! Racer’s butt even started shivering. Here I was all happy and in a good mood this morning looking forward to getting back to the routine and then the bus puts me in a bad mood.

I might be considering taking some martial arts lessons. LOL it sounds hilarious to me but I’m totally going to look into it because guess what? I’ve actually had some weird guys make me feel nervous in the morning on our bus routes. A couple of weeks ago when we got off the second bus on the way to work and were approaching State street to cross I heard a man screaming swear words coming towards us. He was alone and was just screaming to himself. I stopped and told Racer to sit and I turned my back to the man as he passed and just gripped my phone. He passed us and didn’t acknowledge us thank goodness, but he started kicking objects after he passed us and I could hear him making a racket all the way down the block. This was right before I was supposed to do my street crossing on busy State street and so we stood on the curb and I waited a couple of cycles of light changes before I could clear my head and pay attention. It’s weird because I thought SLC was pretty tame and safe but it seems like in the last ten years it has changed and downtown has some creepy people. I and going to an acupuncture appointment tomorrow and I’m going to ask them about martial arts and I think some of them are high up in it. Martial arts isn’t something I ever thought I would take an interest in, but why not? Maybe it will just give me some confidence.

It seems like I’m only talking about negative things. Honestly things are going well. Racer makes me laugh every day. One funny Racer story, there is a couple in my building that got a new puppy. Racer loves him and always gets super excited if they pass each other and he does a dance whenever he sees the puppy. We hadn’t seen the puppy for about a month but the other day outside after relieving Racer, I had the harness over my shoulder while Bob had Racer’s leash and the owner walks by with the puppy wearing a cone. He got fixed. Well Bob and I are commenting about the cone and saying that the dog looked embarrassed to be wearing it. We waved and the owner walked away and I noticed Racer was being super calm and watching the puppy walk away and I thought Racer is getting more mature. Then as soon as the puppy went around the corner and was out of sight Racer leaps into the air and does a jig and prances around jumping and leaping and licking my face. It was as if he was so happy to realize that other dogs have to wear that cone too! And it was like he was laughing at the dog behind his back. It was like he waited for the dog to leave to show his amusement. Bob and I about fell down because he ran around us squeezing our legs in the leash! Too funny!

I swear Racer has a sense of humor!

“Life is worth living as long as there's a laugh in it.”
― L.M. Montgomery

 

Autumn

Autumn is here. I recently flipped the switch from A/C over to heat on the thermostat. I purchased my first pair of fingerless gloves last night. I’m going to get out the blankets and find my packets of apple cinnamon tea that have been pushed to the back of the cupboard. It’s audio book time. There are more than a few books that have recently been released that I am looking forward to reading. I got an email saying that Kate Morton, Cheryl Strayed, Robert Galbraith, and Stephen King all have new books out. Plus I happened onto a facebook post that talked about a book by Marie Kondo discussing how to tidy up and organize, translated from Japanese. First I need to finish reading Unbroken. My boyfriend is reading that with me and we can’t put it down. Now where is my pumpkin pie scented candle?

“Autumn...the year's last, loveliest smile." ~William Cullen Bryant

     

Got It Maid

It’s probably been over two years since I decided to hire Myrna. It felt so frivolous to hire someone to clean my place but I figured it was important to me, and if I managed my money carefully, I could handle the expense. Besides I don’t have a car payment. My condo was so beautiful and new when I bought it, I didn’t want it to lose its shine. I know there are plenty of blind people who do a great job cleaning, but it just is too much for me when I work full time. I just don’t have the energy to stay on top of the dust. Sometimes when you have a disability it makes sense to spend extra money to make your life easier and more enjoyable. I know a guy who is blind and he likes to splurge on pedicures once a month. I decided to try a house cleaner and hired Myrna.  If it started to feel like a waste of money, I could just tell her I changed my mind. She cleaned the first time and I never looked back. I was delighted with how the place was transformed. My toes would sink into the plush carpet, which had felt thread bare the day before. It seemed like I was in a hotel. She even washes my windows.  Every time she does her magic I am once again singing her praises. In books and articles I’ve read there is sometimes a story of an elderly person who dies and leaves a chunk of money to the maid. It never made any sense to me until I met Myrna! My quality of life has been enriched. Now with Racer in the house it can get pretty hairy. I bought a Dyson and when I first vacuumed after my dog had been with me a few weeks, I couldn’t believe the amount of furriness that was emptied from the vacuum. It was like a mini Racer was compacted inside the Dyson. In between Myrna’s visits I venture to take out the vacuum. Racer watches me like he doesn’t trust me with the contraption. I expect him to run when he sees me with the noisy machine but instead he acts like he needs to supervise or protect me from myself. He stares as I push several levers and buttons and pull out all the extensions. Once I’m finished, I scratch my head about how to put it all back together. Accomplishment washes over me when the endeavor is over. Racer and I, feeling very relieved and worn out from our duties, trot to our respective spots in the living room and take a nap.

“I was frustrated as a child when I had to use a vacuum. It had a screaming noise and the smell of stale dog and a lack of performance.” James Dyson

 

Random Interactions

My Guide Dog and I step off the bus and walk to the corner, and line up at the bump dots that have taken the place of the curb. I hear the roar of the parallel traffic and tell my dog to cross the street. We glide along straight as an arrow and step back onto the sidewalk. Racer tells me he needs to take a leak. I slip off his harness and we step onto some grass. Right in midstream, a guy from out of nowhere says, “Can I pet your dog?” I explain that it isn’t a good time. We then continue up the block and Racer stops at the next curb and I tell him to take a right. We make the turn and a woman asks, “Do you need to cross that street?” I am a little out of patience and reply a firm, “No!” She is wondering why my dog took me right to the curb but then turned instead of crossing. She doesn’t realize that it is the way he is supposed to make his turns. I don’t have time to give this lady a lesson on guide dog training today. I’ve got to get to the office. The woman continues to follow me and she comes up along my side and says, “That building you are passing is the Immigration Building.” I guess she has taken it upon herself to become my tour guide for SLC. I take this route every day and I’m a block from my office. I tell her that I’m aware of that and I keep walking briskly, hoping she doesn’t follow me to the next intersection because I really don’t want to have to have a talkative shadow all the way to work. Apparently she disappears into thin air because I never hear of her again. Finally we cross the last street in our route and we are 35 seconds from my office when a lady approaches with a barking dog. I stop Racer and tell the woman that we will wait while she passes. I’ve decided from previous experience that it’s better to not walk through the distraction because my dog will not be focused until the other dog is gone. The woman walks by all the while yelling at her dog, “No, no, no!” Racer seemed interested but calm.

Before going blind, before getting a Guide Dog, before taking the bus and becoming more of a pedestrian I never had so many interactions before 8 AM. Sometimes these interactions are amusing, interesting, or scary. Today it was just a little annoying.

Friends

I expected that things in my life would change when I received my first Guide Dog, but it is different than what I imagined. Parts of my life that I never dreamed would change did, and things I expected to change stayed the same. One example of this is friendship. I actually have lost friends since getting my Guide. I don’t fully understand it all but how I see it is that I started standing up for myself since Racer arrived. Some of my friends didn’t know how to accommodate that change in me. I don’t blame them because when you form a friendship you usually fall into roles and continue to carry out those roles because it is comfortable and when something changes, it can be hard to readjust. Also I retreated a bit from friends when my dog was bitten by another dog in a store shortly after he arrived here. I’m not always the best communicator so I am sure I share the blame. I don’t want to dwell on the lost friendships because I have also gained many fulfilling friendships because of Racer. Many of these great people are affiliated with Guide Dogs for the Blind (GDB). Some are people at work that have reached out to me. Some are people living right in my building but we had never connected until we started chatting about our quirky dogs. I have become friends with a lovely woman at our bus stop. It makes our bus route more interesting and fun when Racer & I exit our first bus and head around the corner to catch the second bus, and as we walk I hear a cheery voice call out, “Hey Jenny! How are you? Guess what happened to me last night?" A smile comes over my face and I know that it was totally worth it to get up at 5:30 for the millionth time and trudge out the door to face my fears and continue the routine. I love my friends!  

Cheesecake

Two of my nieces had a slumber party at my place last weekend. Racer was in heaven. He loved having all the attention from the girls. We were overly stuffed from lunch at Cheesecake Factory so the girls got their cheesecake to go and later they fished it out of the refrigerator for a snack as we watched Confessions of a Shopaholic. Racer was staring longingly at my nieces while they sat on the couch eating the sweet sugarness. He knows that I will never give in to give him a taste but he still was holding out hope for the nieces. The girls decided they had worked on the desserts long enough and were going to return it to the refrigerator when the cheesecake slipped from their hand, and luckily was salvaged, although a large dollop landed on the kitchen tile. It was right in view of Racer but he just calmly sat there watching and didn’t even make a move to sneak a taste. What a good boy! Food isn’t his weakness at all. As I’ve said before, his foibles include sniffing bushes and flowers on our path through the neighborhood. He also loves other dogs and stops to wag his tail and watch them on our route.

The girls slept in the living room with Racer while I retreated to my room. Racer usually wakes me at 6:30 on the weekends but this particular day he didn’t come find me until 7:00 am. Hooray an extra 30 minutes! That has never happened. I can’t wait until the next slumber party!   

Racer's Cigar

Racer has a cylinder blue chew toy that he enjoys positioning so that it protrudes out the side of his mouth. It looks like a cigar and he loves it so every evening at some point I say to Bob “Shall we give Racer his cigar to smoke out on the balcony?” We all three sit out on the balcony with Racer smoking his cigar and watching the neighborhood. Last night Racer saw a cute puppy walking along and he got so happy he dropped his cigar off the balcony onto the concrete below. Bob ran out the front door and down the stairs to retrieve it while Racer and I peered out the balcony railing and when Bob grabbed it he decided to throw it up to us but I didn’t think Racer could catch it. Bob tossed it up and sure enough Racer stuck his face through the bars of the railing and caught it swiftly in his mouth no problem. What a talented boy!   

Bear Lake

My family spent a couple of days at Bear Lake last week. It was fun to take Racer with us this year. The cabin was nice and had a rustic wooden swing on the porch. Racer was excited to go on an adventure and loved running back and forth in the cabin with his bone while we unpacked. In the late afternoons, he enjoyed sitting on the porch and watching passersby while I listened to an audiobook and Bob read the newspaper. Our family doesn’t get together very often so this Bear Lake tradition that my sister started last year has been a good idea. In the evenings we all congregated in front of Carolyn’s cabin around a campfire. Racer didn’t like the smoke very much but I usually sat with him away from it. The day we headed out to the lake it started raining after awhile but we had time for Racer to play in the shallow water before the rain. He had so much fun twirling and prancing and splashing. My family had never seen him act so playful. I’m so protective of Racer that I didn’t feel like I could just leave him with someone in my family while I went into the water. If I don’t have his leash in my hand I’m constantly worrying about how he is doing. He seemed to happily go along with the Bear Lake adventure but when we arrived home he jumped for joy in the living room back with all his toys and comfy bed. The first morning back to work he seemed especially exuberant to head out for the bus. Once on the bus, as we neared our stop he leapt up and ran to the bus door to exit and finish the last leg of our journey. It was so funny to see his enthusiasm for our route and I could see how much he really loves his routine. I’m so happy that he loves his work and loves guiding me. I have heard someone say that there guide dog didn’t like putting on the harness or acted like they didn’t want to do guide work. This week it seemed so clear that Racer loves his role and wants to work.          

     

Introducing Racer

Sorry I haven’t posted anything for awhile. I received my new guide dog in March and his name is Racer. He is a Yellow Labrador Retriever. People tell me he has the most expressive eyes.The kind of eyes that say, “I can get you to do anything for me!” He is my little racecar. It has been a whirlwind. I have been learning so much. We take the bus to work in the morning and he is a great guide. We have our ups and downs and are still learning each others personalities. He is very easy going. Every dog is so different they all have strengths and weaknesses. Although many guide dogs bark when they are not in harness, Racer has never barked EVER. Even when he is playing and off duty. He never tries to chew any of my belongings. He knows the toys that are his and never disrupts my stuff. He never tries to climb on my bed or furniture. He loves to follow his nose though when we are outside and he can get distracted by bushes an flowers growing along our path so I have to give him reminders that we need to catch that bus. Even though he is distracted by flowers I can’t help but think how sweet it is and I tell him he is such a romantic.

My favorite part of the day is in the evening when I know that Racer has been fed, watered, relieved, exercised, and now is just lying on his back with a toy in his mouth making little piggy snorting sounds. Sometimes when he is lying on his back with his paws in the air I take his paws in my hands and play patty cake. I also massage his paws while watching a movie. He loves to be groomed and brushed out on my balcony and it’s a big treat to have his teeth brushed with his poultry flavored toothpaste. He runs in circles around me once he catches a scent of that tube of yumminess.

Bob and I eat out a lot and Racer has perfect restaurant manners. He slides himself right under the table and quietly checks the area for a crumb or two but settles into a comfy position and is very content until it is time to go. Most of the time after the hostess has seated us, the server isn’t even aware that Racer is under the table.          

Determination

, I recently read an article written by Blair Anthony Robertson

about an inspiring guy named Hoby. I loved what Hoby said in his interview about having to work hard despite his disability. His words really resonated with me. Here is an excerpt from the article… Hoby Wedler is a rising star in the world of wine. Blind since birth, he's a phenomenon in the world of sensory science. Hoby now, on the verge of earning his chemistry doctorate, plans to have a career in the wine industry (and possibly beer and olive oil) and use his advanced degrees in his spare time.

Wedler typically has 110-hour work weeks. He operates a nonprofit, Accessible Science, which conducts three-day chemistry camps for blind and visually impaired high school students.

In 2012, he was one of 14 people recognized in a ceremony at the White House as Champions of Change for their work with inspiring people with disabilities in the STEM fields – science, technology, engineering and math.

Yet, he has a humility that resonates.

“I don’t let on that I have bad days – ever,” he said. “I’m a non-complainer because no one has to deal with my day. I have to work two or three times more hours than a sighted person. It means very little sleep, but if I said, ‘Woe is me; I need my sleep,’ I wouldn’t get anywhere.”

Beyond his determination to succeed, Wedler’s ability to taste wine and his skill at talking about it help him engage beginners and wine aficionados alike. With his young palate still identifying benchmarks and calibrating the many complexities of wine, Wedler has already impressed academics, winemakers and serious wine tasters.

Having memorized his routes in Davis as he did in his hometown, Wedler now is creating his own route to success in the Napa Valley. He knows what he wants and, it just so happens, he has been developing the appropriate skill set since childhood.

“Life is a competition. I am by no means winning, but I am competing, for lack of a better word, with sighted people who have more efficiency – blindness is merely a lack of efficiency. If you want to compete, you just have to put in the time and not give up. You have to push yourself as hard as you can, expect nothing and hope for everything.”

 

 

 

Cankle

I haven’t posted any news in awhile. I had one of those moments while staying at Snowbird where I thought, I’m having so much fun and life is so good right now I sure hope nothing bad is about to happen. Three days after arriving back home I tripped and twisted my ankle. I instantly felt faint and lightheaded. Bob had to take me to the hospital. I was so afraid that I had broken something. The huge concern was that if it was broken it would delay the date to meet my Guide Dog. How could this happen? I NEVER hurt myself falling. Sure I stumble from time to time but I always correct myself and carry on. I walk all over the crumbling old sidewalks of my neighborhood daily and never have a problem. I’m like a Billy goat on a mountain top, so sure footed. The X-ray showed that it was just a bad sprain and the prescription was R.I.C.E. (Rest, Ice, Compress, Elevate). When I reached down to touch my puffy ankle all I could think of was, that isn’t an ankle it’s a cankle! About three weeks have passed and it is feeling much better. I’m expecting the hospital bill any day now and I’m sure I will feel faint again once I open that piece of mail. 

     

Snowbird

We spent a week at Snowbird Ski Resort. Bob’s kids were here a couple of days and a few members of my family visited as well. It was fun and relaxing. I enjoyed listening to podcasts and running the stairs while everyone hit the slopes. The hot tub and steam room in the evening were a good way to end each day.

We did break away from the mountains one day this week in order to visit the orthodontist. I finally got my braces off this week! I had to deal with those awful things for three years! I feel like eating loads of corn right from the cob, chewing caramels, chomping on popcorn…etc…you get the idea, right? Finally I feel like I have my mouth back. I’m so excited to be able to floss like a regular person now. My teeth feel so smooth and I’m totally kissable again.

Dog Names

Over the past year or so as I contemplated applying for a guide dog, I read the following books about people and their guides. I cried and laughed through all of these stories.

Long Time No See - Finke, Beth

Beyond The Bear: How I learned to live and love again after being blinded by a bear - Bigley, Dan

Breaking Barriers: Working and loving while blind - Altschul, Peter

Two Seeing Eye Dogs Take Manhattan! - Burlingame, Lloyd

Thunder Dog: The true story of a blind man, his guide dog, and the triumph of trust at Ground Zero - Hingson, Michael

Confessions of a Guide Dog: The blonde leading the blind - Mark Carlson

 

I am filled with anticipation to meet my dog in March. As the time draws near I go about my day with  thoughts creeping in:  How will it feel to take my dog shopping? or How will the dentist office react when I take the guide dog to my appointment?

I don’t get to pick my dog’s name. He or she has already been named and is formally being trained right now. I am constantly wondering what the name might be. I speculate out loud every night about crazy name possibilities. Bob teases me and says I am more concerned about the name than about the hard work and care that will go into providing for this dog. My daily routine will change immensely. I can’t wait!!!

Books in 2014

I read 34 books in 2014. Here are 6 titles that I either enjoyed or they just really made me think. They weren't necessarily published in 2014 but that is when I discovered them. The first three are fiction and the latter three are nonfiction.

1. The Circle

Eggers, Dave

2. The Silent Wife

Harrison, A. S. A

3. Delicious!

Reichl, Ruth; Whelan, Julia.

4. Empty Mansions: The mysterious life of Huguette Clark and the spending of a great American fortune

Dedman, Bill; Newell, Paul Clark

5. Twelve Years A Slave

Northup, Solomon; Gates, Henry Louis

6. Secret Gift: How one man's kindness--and a trove of letters--revealed the hidden history of the Great Depression

Gup, Ted